Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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