You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's not a walk of shame if you run
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
