Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Did I show you my penis last night?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
