4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
