just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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