You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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