It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
