you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
