dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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