We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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