I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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