i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
