her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
