call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
