blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
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