I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
