You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
