hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
