Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
