she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
