i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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