she woke up with a sticky ear
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
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after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
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At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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