so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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