Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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