i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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