woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
There are leaves in my underwear?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
