He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
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