thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
