is wine microwaveable?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
