yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
