I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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