she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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