I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
