I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
