if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
