Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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