it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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