You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
