I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
