you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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