Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
