So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
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Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
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I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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