i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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