he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
