remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
