he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
