Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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