She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
