There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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