Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
