I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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