That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
