can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
