This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
