Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
