Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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