How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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