I need help removing her.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I looked at my own cervix.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
