I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Please don't give away my fajitas
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
