you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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