Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
