im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
