Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face