Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.