So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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