Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
