Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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