Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
