I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
