the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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