Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
operation harelip BJ is a go
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
