you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
