An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
