walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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