Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
