a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
