dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
this hospital has no fireball
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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