its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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