Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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