Define "chronic" masturbator.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
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