make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
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was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
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