I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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