my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize