Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
