Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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