It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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